Loosing the tit

Well, I called Donna yesterday just to see how she is getting along. She and her husband split up several months ago and is really having a hard time, so I try to keep in touch with her to just let her talk.

She informs me that they found a lump in Vivian's breast and removed one of them yesterday, and they need me to come up tonight and stay thru Sunday night.

I have no Idea what I am going to do. Of course, I am going, but once I get there ???? Im sure Ill have plenty to write about when I get back.

I have to admit I am scared shitless. Since moving to Birmingham, I am able to get up to visit much more often, but it is brief, usually not much longer than an hour, so I only see a small section of his illness. What is scaring me now is I am going to be there for a couple of days and I fear what I am going to see.

By keeping visits short, I am in some way able to even deny he is sick, and keep telling myself that it is not going to get worse, but in my mind I know that is not true.

Donna siad that he gets up in the middle of the night and looks for his keys because he wants to "go home" and almost fights you until you are able to make him aware he is at home.

Me and patrick has a long talk last night. What are the chances of Vivian surviving this at her age? If she dies, what will happen to dad? I mentioned the possibility of moving in with dad if it came down to that and the both of us could take care of him.

Monetarily, there would not really be any bills. There would be no rent, or house pmt, only the household. Patrick would be a much better *nurse* than I would be. I approached that very carefully because I did not want him to feel that I was giving him an ultimatum again, like he sort of felt I did when we moved here.

I would love to go ahead and get him in nursing school now, so by the next 3 years when the possibility of dad being totally bed-ridden is reality, patrick will be qualified to take care of him, and we can completely avoid any kind of "care facility".

I was hoping to see Dr Middlebrooks today and see what my chances are of getting some valiume or xanax to get me through, but he is on vacation ... so Im in for the full ride.

God, I am dredding this.

Anyway, time to take the pooch out for her am biz, and also need to get her to the vet today for her annual shots and a treatment for fleas and tics. She will be there with me Saturday and Sunday, and there are monster fleas and tics there. Its going to be a long weekend.